Now, to actually post something…

So many choices… and yet one falls instantly to mind. I must do my bit to introduce the world a little further to the genius that is Dr M von Vogelhausen.
Dr M is, nominally, an amazon reviewer. To me, there are usually 4 types of amazon reviewer. There is the perpetual optimist: “…everything runs perfectly and oh, I’m oh so happy and I know it could probably be a bit better if I’d paid some more money but oh, it’s so marvellous I must give 5 stars to this egg whisk”, the ‘I don’t have time to write this’:  “Good product. Worked.”, the ‘Not good enough for me (but really should have thought this through)’: “…ach, so pathetic. I paid £3 for this based on all these amazing reviews everyone’s been giving, and blow me tight if it sounds a bit odd and doesn’t run as cleanly as this £45 version I got next!”, and the doomsayer: “I took it out of its box and it blew up in my face, releasing a cloud of poisonous smoke that gassed the entire block of flats. Would not buy again”. Vogelhausen however gets a category to himself.
I won’t post an entire review here, as they are all available for you to enjoy, but anyone who is able to describe how “I had suffered a mutiny at the hands of my crew, thirty nearly identical automatons whom I had delighted in dressing up as characters from “Murder she wrote”, when describing this: http://www.amazon.co.uk/Kirstie-Allsopp-Craft/dp/1444737589/ref=cm_cr-mr-title, deserves a knighthood.  This is a man who has caused Gordon Ramsey’s book to be tagged under battlefield by describing it how “the starters, lightly armed but with the advantage of being the first into the fray, led by the bloodthirsty Captain Tempura” were pitted against “the main courses, a band of mercenaries from all over the world, urged on by their figurehead, First Lieutenant Rare-Beef”, the man who was surprised that ‘Jamie’s 30 Minute Meals’ were of a reasonable size after all, and who managed to, in a review of a pencil case, make reference to how the inside of Vogelhausen Towers had stolen the outside. His blog, provided by the good people of wordpress, is, if anything, even better (although battles with his alter ego have left it barren in recent months)- his advice for parties: “Think of a theme for your party. There are the classics – condiments of the world; conflicted emotions; the 1870s in Luton; hair- or you could branch out. Why not dress up as someone else. Make it someone real as imaginary people’s clothes are expensive and itchy. Remember there is a very real risk that the clothes of a dead or famous person may begin to take over your mind.” will live with me forever. And this is before we get to the Spanish lessons… (for the record, he was a great teacher, but could ease up on the obsession with revision. Yes, I was actually taught by him. Who wants to touch me?)
If this man does not gain the place in history he deserves, I will have failed him. Internet, stand forward, and trumpet his name to the rafters. Google him, read his work, laugh until your sides disintegrate. LONG LIVE DR M. VON VOGELHAUSEN!

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